Make This Go On Forever

Cold makes you do stupid things. It makes you forget to order dinner, let alone bother to go down and see what's offered downstairs. It makes you listen to songs of Vaastav, Snow Patrol and Porcupine Tree. Actually, I'd listen to PT anytime. Anyway, some things were lingering in my mind for a long time and I was going to eventually pen them down. But, I never got around to doing that. Diwali and Chhatt went by unnoticed and I thought this is the last evening I'll get to do anything like this till December.


2nd November is almost over and we inch closer to the moment we'll all call it a day. The last lecture, the last lab, the last time we'll knock on each other's door and then realise the morning lecture was cancelled. Umpteen things cliche I'd not want to list out but the fact of the matter is I have ABSOLUTELY no clue how that moment will be. Will it be full of people hugging and crying or will it be like 2k6 EEE (everyone wearing their branch tshirts and getting pictures taken) or will it be a last coffee in HnC with everyone looking at each other and not saying a word but smiling?
Maybe because I have never experienced a farewell, not after Xth when I left Baroda nor after XIIth when I left Mumbai, I can never truly understand how it feels to leave an institution. But I can sure as hell understand how it feels to let go of friends, move out and never see them again.
2 days after my board exams got over in 2006, I packed my bags and called up a friend to tell her "Goodbye. I'll probably never see you again." But it went like this:


"You're leaving? Like forever?"
"Yeah. My dad got transferred to Mumbai."
"Well, at-least you're going to a good place. But, why are you telling me NOW? I mean, you're leaving in an hour. We could have met, had a nice little farewell and stuff?"
"Yeah.." Pauses "I don't know everything happened so quickly. I'm sorry. We'll keep in touch."
"Bye then Vrashank. Take care and keep emailing."
"You bet."


I met her once after that in Baroda and exchanged 2 emails.


Saying goodbye to friends is harder than you think. Its not just a great party thrown by them, not just about the parting gifts and the tears and hugs and smiles and waves. Its more about how much you keep in touch after you've left. I'd assumed that leaving would be the worst thing ever but actually, its the time you spend alone in your new home, realizing you can't just call them over for a small bite, a quick chat or whatever. You can no longer end up in their rooms and lie there forever. The most you can do is chat, write on their walls and ask about each other's plans and hope they overlap.


Which brings me back to the thought on how goodbye will be for me next year. I have experienced it 4 times in varying amount of emotion. Not that I am comparing but leaving college probably ranks up higher than a couple of those 4 good byes. Quite simply because of the magnitude. The number of people I'll want to say goodbye to and the number of faces I'll want to forget. As we get placed, we realize how many of us will be in the same city, same locality and even the same company. We start imagining how it'll be to live in Bangalore, Pune or Gurgaon with folks from college, wearing shirts and having coffee. Honestly, it seems like it'll be pretty awkward.


Maybe we need a plan.


A plan to save everything from weltering away and make it last forever. A plan to remind ourselves that friendship wasn't pushed or planned. It just happened and its so deep we're ready to fight for it. So, maybe, it should dawn upon us that we can still salvage a sinking ship. Saying goodbye can't be that bad can it? I mean, we all knew we'd have to part eventually. Didn't we all see it coming? Then, why does it seem so difficult?
I don't know the plan. I don't know if it'll ever be made. But I, most certainly, want one.


You should really check out the song that got me writing this.
Snow Patrol - Make This Go On Forever
and I quote:


"The last girl and the last reason to make this last for as long as I could
First kiss and the first time that I felt connected to anything
The weight of water, the way you told me to look past everything I had ever learned
The final word in the final sentence you ever uttered to me was love."


I'd want this time to last as long as possible. Like little kids who fear the morning assembly, in-fact, like the ones who hide in the class eating everyone else's lunch and wish for the assembly to last as long as possible [Straight out of Revolution 2020!]. I want this to go on forever.

Shame Shame

Shameful events have surrounded us it seems. Personal opinions I have about some topics might not align with yours. In fact, my thoughts are probably more baseless than anyone else's. I don't get newspapers in my room, nor do I watch TV. On the internet, I don't visit the news websites. So, consider these to be opinions of a passerby, oblivious to every major event around him.

It just doesn't seem to fit. The anti-corruption bill doesn't look all that promising. I don't know the finer details about the bill, but from what I have read and heard, its draconian, unrealistic and too radical. India needs change in the attitude, not in the structure. His methods also seem to be undemocratic. Maybe, the hullaballoo about it wouldn't last very long. After eavesdropping on some conversations, the only names I have gotten till now are: Tihar,Siddhi, Arundhati, Irom Sharmila and Rahul Gandhi. Put it all together, and it sounds like a shameless and pointless protest. Compared to the ones in Tripoli, Egypt and the US, this one looks like its feeding on the fact that the government might have its hands tied with too many ropes. Its not that the ropes are tied too tight. They're just too many.

News channels are probably running full steam. Just like demand for metal during World War 2 got every single factory out of England's industrial revolution up and running at double capacity, the news channels are probably trying to fit in so much nonsense about the bill and our cricket. If I critique too much, I'd be called a cynic. If I be optimistic, I'd be a dreamer. Whatever the case may be, we'd do ourselves a world of good by remembering the 38-year old warrior who defied the English like Bhuvan. He stood there when everyone slipped. I remember a chance meeting with him in Mumbai a few years ago in a promotional cricket match between Rahul Dravid and the employees of my dad's bank. It was then that I realised that he is even more humble and magical than he seems on a television set. For a little kid who probably dreamed of joining an academy in the closest town, watching Rahul bat in London would have been like a song playing in his head and as it reaches the crescendo, he would get up, break the clutches of his family, his upbringing and start running into the fields, screaming "I am free! I can take on the world!"

We, lesser mortals in this world who take interest and till a few months back, took pride in the game, would admit to our shameless performance. Even as Sehwag, Gambhir and VVS had troubles of even settling down, we saw Amit Mishra play the innings that would define his otherwise hopeless tour. But, I still think there might be a ray of hope out of this. This setback gives a jolt that winning the World Cup doesn't mean the end of the story. Regroup, train and win! We'll get back to our winning ways soon enough. As for Tendulkar's 100th, his innings today was flawed. Like a sine wave, he went from smashing Swann twice in an over to getting multiple lifelines because of missed catches and lbw decisions. I'd want the 100th ton to be like a serene painting of a freck-less face, a gentle smile and the spark of the child's excitement in the eyes.

Grey and hopeless

Like I always do at dinner time after a boring day at Polaris, I took my plate with a glass of mango shake to my room, put on my headphones and played A Bit of Fry and Laurie while I munched away my boredom. Usually, I finish dinner without a break. But today, I paused in the middle for a long time and thought. After losing myself and coming back, I decided to share the scene's dialogues with you after dinner. Here it is.
Notice how Douglas is so sad he is able to convince a perfectly happy Stephen into believing nothing can be done about this world.

A Bit of Fry and Laurie, Season 4, Episode 1
Skit Number 1:

Douglas (Hugh Laurie) is sitting at his desk in his office when Stephen Fry, acting as his boss, comes in.


Stephen: ... you all right, Douglas?
Douglas: I'm sorry sir, I just ... it's just ...
Stephen: Come on, old fellow, spit it out. Whatever it is, it can't be that bad.
Douglas: I've got this feeling that my life is grey and hopeless.
Stephen: Grey and hopeless? Grey and hopeless? Oh now, come on. What are you talking about?
Douglas: I look into the future and what do I see?
Stephen: I don't know, what do you see?
Douglas: Just the blank rolling of the years, one after another, like grey, hopless waves beating against my brains till the blood runs out of my ears.
Stephen: Now come on. You've got a wife and two children, a very pleasant house, three loving goldfish ...
Douglas: I know, but what does it mean? We live in a doomed world. Doomed.
Stephen: Oh nonsense, what do you mean doomed?
Douglas: Nobody likes anybody any more, nobody cares about anybody or anything. People go around hitting and stabbing and stealing and insulting. The countryside's a poisonous mess, the cities are unbreathable, you can get beaten up by a twelve-year-old and ripped off by your neighbour.

Stephen: Well, I grant you things aren't ...
Douglas: There are no certainties, only battle-lines. No pleasure any more except in getting drunk or high on dangerous drugs that are supplied by maniacs with machine guns.
Stephen: Yes, it's a grim old world alright, but surely it's always been ...
Douglas: Films and music are crap. Books are crap. The streets are so full you can't walk in a town without being pushed off the pavement, the roads are unusable, the trains are a joke, the politicians are so feeble-minded and gutless you can't even hate them.
Stephen: Even sport isn't fun any more, really, is it?
Douglas: You smile at someone in the street, you're either knifed in the kidneys or in court for rape.

Stephen: Opening a newspaper's like opening a fold of used lavatory paper.
Douglas: Turn on the television and you're sprayed in coloured vomit.
Stephen: It's frigging useless, isn't it?
Douglas: We're done for.
Stephen: Shagged. We're bloody shagged. Oh, Jesus.
(Pause)
Douglas: Grey and hopeless.
Stephen: Grey and hopeless.

---

In broad daylight

This news report shocked me. The video coverage on TV showed the D-Mart near the place where he was shot. And a policewoman was cordoning off a small area on the footpath with yellow posts and tape, while her assistant were taking measurements from nearby electricity poles. The headline after the "Breaking News" part read: "Midday reporter J Dey shot".


Can you believe it? A 56 year old daring journalist rides out of his home on a rainy Saturday on his motorcycle and gets 3 out of the 5 bullets. Hiranandani doctors can't do anything about it. And all this happens in  broad daylight! The city is shocked and so am I. Him being an author of two books on the underworld and the oil racket might be a coincidence but it hardly seems so. Tweets, posts and messages from fellow media companies pour in. This particular post is I think gaining popularity. Its by Samir Halarnkar for the HT. He ends his article so beautifully:


Dey stayed relevant, writing two books on the mafia and, at the Mumbai tabloid MiD DAY, continuing to do what he did best - revealing a creature we thought had lost its teeth. As Dey's death proves, the mafia still bites.


His Wikipedia article was I presume created and removed today itself being deemed as being a copied newspaper article. Now, I do not know much about J Dey nor his legendary work. I am still searching for articles he wrote about the mafia, underworld, encounters, shootouts and other such terms. After reading a few, you seem to understand his love for old adages. His articles are filled with such apt ones, you tend to adore them and save them for later. Dey compared encounter specialists to eagles so well you have to read it here. He writes immense confidence about intelligence officers and the Maharashtra Police like a true journalist in his field.
His book sales will rise, Mid DAY will get huge publicity, the entire media comprising of other newspapers and TV channels will gang up against the authorities and atleast one of the administration will have to resign. All this might not be enough to take the spotlight off the ailing Baba who refuses to eat. But, its news, big, shocking and staring at your face with a big M, A, F, I and an A written all over it.

Are they back? Are the contract killings of anyone who raises a voice against the underworld again in fashion? We had gotten used to not being reminded of them by RGV's films every odd month. Company, D- Company, D, Satya, Shootout at Lokhandwala had all become films of a gone-past genre. We had stopped uttering words like "chindi", "peti" and "khallas". The killing serves as a rude reminder that all is not over in the mafia country. Maybe Mumbai is still the hotbed for such activities and that terrorism is not the only threat in this mad city. Terrorism had abased the local mafia to forgettable levels. But, Dey's killing only reminds us that the mafia's teeth just got a new coating. 

To prove: I am studying Computer Science

Lately, I have been eavesdropping around my house- the kitchen and my parents' bedroom and I heard really mean and awful things! Sniff.

"Is he actually doing engineering? I dont see any of it in him. Its like he just hasn't grown since he left school!"
"I know. On top of that, he's doing it in computers. He does stay on the computer but he talks to random people all the time in weird keywords!"
"Aap jakar pucho na usse ek baar!"

[Exagerration - begin]
Tears dropped on the floormat outside the door and I tiptoed away back to my room. I couldn't believe it. 3 years of my life suddenly came crashing down like the WTC. Fingers went numb and the faint sound of the fan suddenly started echoing in my brain!
[Exagerration - end]

So, basically, I decided I will use the laptop but for one constructive purpose atleast. And, what better use could it be for, than starting on my BE final year project?

What? Now, suddenly, you don't like this post anymore?
"Another one of those CSE ka noobs wanting to show their CS skills...whatta shame!"
I know...I know. Bear with me.

After lunch, I got a "jhaad" or "meri mom ne mujhe suna diya" or whatever.
"What are you going to do about GRE?"
I hate those moments. I hate it when that happens. You know you have to do something and you so badly want to postpone it and you have no reasons as to why. Then, your mother asks very innocently, so caringly about your future, and you have to rub it off by a "Karoonga na, thode din mein, pakka."
So, I decided I will do two things today. Register for GRE and set up the final year project's Hello World program. Thats exactly what I did!

Registration for GRE was a breeze and I was surprised to find available seats in August in Kolkata. So, that's done.

As for the project, let me explain it a bit to you before you change your tab to Facebook and check for notifications. We [Aditi and I] aim to create a speech recognition system to help kids learn how to read.
For that, we plan to use CMU Sphinx4 [An opensource library by Carnegie Mellon University for Speech Recognition written in Java]. That's it.

Setting up was initially a daunting task as I didnt know where to begin with. Multiple google searches led me finally to a page which explained how to do it in Eclipse: http://sourceforge.net/projects/cmusphinx/forums/forum/382337/topic/4058241/
After fixing random jar files, I tried running the program and it crashed by saying I ran out of heap space. Whatta shame again with a 2GB ram. Again, several Google tabs opened faster than a dog runs from a water spray. Eventually, I found a small and pretty [it looked pretty trust me, at 11pm after an entire day spent in trying to run a program, everything looks pretty!] solution to change the maximum heap size to 512mb in the VM arguments of  the Run Configuration of Eclipse [So technical I am! :D]
And, voila!
I spoke: "Good morning Rita" and it typed "good morning rita" !!!!!!!!!
Yes!
[Exagerration - begin]
Mount Everest conquered, Osama found and killed, Global Warming reversed, Pune Warriors win IPL and Qasab is hanged. Now, combine those feelings and you begin to feel like I did!
[Exagerration - end]

At end of day's play, Vrashank was at 2 for no loss!

Coke Voke and Gana Vana

After much speculation, Coke Studio is officially coming to MTV with Leslie Lewis and as anyone else who listens to Saari Raat at least once a week like its my duty, I am super excited at the least! Leo Burnett has been hired for its promotion, so we should expect some eye catching initiatives. Plus, Coke is soon going to launch Coke Studio promotional half litre bottles. So that takes care of the millions of Indians in every corner of the country. Marketing shall be heavy for this once a week show for 8 weeks. All this from an article in Business Standard.

MTV I believe has plenty of slots on its schedule to allot an hour to this. Infact, it'll be a splendid replacement to one senseless reality show that would have otherwise caused someone to vomit on their Christie's Persian Rug. Watch the sneakpeak of the 1st episode with Shafqat Amanat Ali (Tum Mile and Bin Tere fame) and Shruti Pathak (Tujhe Bhula Diya fame). The stage looks more impressive than the one in Pakistan. Strangely, I didnt know about Coke Studio starting out in Brazil initially after moving to Pakistan.

And as a stupid and curious kid living in Ranchi, I am encouraged to doubt everything that comes my way. I reserve my doubts about India appreciating CS(Coke Studio is too long to type). I, till now, couldn't recognise Shafqat Amanat Ali nor Shruti Pathak. Are we ready to look at the singers singing for 1 hour without any auditions, judging, controversy, prizes, SMS votes or contests in the commercial break? Are we ready to watch artists who perform well, not necessary look good or make us laugh? CS is a big break from regular television in the country at the moment and I wonder how we'll react to it. Downloading the episodes from the internet and watching it is different from watching it on Tata Sky. There won't be any bollywood guests on the show to promote their latest movie, not even cricketers from the IPL. Just music for one hour.

And that too, fusion music. Not the desi beats with Hard Kaur and Alyssa Mendosa to bollywood songs. Are we ready to listen to fusion music again after Colonial Cousins, Sagarika, Asha Bhonsle, Raghav Sachar etc. all failed to make us do it in the 1990's and early 2000's? Or is it about time we see a revival in the genre?

I for one am very excited about it. It'll be exciting to see SEL jamming with the other masters of music. I wish Anoushka Shankar, Karsh Kale, Raghav Sachar, Rahul Sharma among others also feature in the coming seasons. MTV should do well to revive its falling image of becoming RTV (Reality TV) instead of its actual full form. As much as MTV needs CS, India needs it too. To wake up and realise music beyond polyphonic ringtones of item songs, beyond the confines of local folk music with the same instruments and same beats, to open up to a world of unknown artists who never would've made it to the mainstream otherwise.

I await Coke Studio India with bated breath.

Home and all that

After watching Kung Fu Panda thrice, Madagascar and Ratatouille for a bit and even Igor for quite some time, I reached home exhausted and deserving for some nice bhindi(ladyfinger!). I spent a night in Jamshedpur, which I absolutely loved in the morning. The auto drove through Beldih Church across all the government bungalows and carefully tended gardens. JSR seemed to be pleasant with an air of stability.

So much time I have now at my hands, I sat down to write something after so long. College takes up so much of nonsense time even when you're not that busy that I found myself unable to write anything there.

I woke up today in the drawing room where I always sleep with the sound of the knife cutting through cabbage and my dad getting agitated. There was no newspaper today and believe me, its tragic news on a Sunday. I had an early lunch and sat down rummaging through old newspapers. The Bombay Times here is as thick as the complete newspaper that comes in college. I found the one I was looking for, dated 3rd May. I wanted to read TOI's articles on Osama's death and found them to be quite good.

After reading all of it, I realised the dilemma which US and Pakistan are in. I wondered on 2nd May, before my last exam, how US was allowed to go to Pakistan and kill him and bury him at sea. Which country's citizen was Osama at the time of his death? None? If he was never caught, how can anyone declare that he should be dead, without a court proceeding? Taking the blame himself doesn't finish the story does it? Questions go on and on for people like me on these topics.

On a happier note, Dada got a summer internship with Pune Warriors and he'll open tonight! I am indifferent to IPL at the moment. We were [Read: had to] watching Star Parivaar awards and mom was spotting people from TV shows she probably watches daily. It hit me: I AM HOME! The land of nonsense TV and good food!

I start interning with Polaris on Monday and I leave for a trip to Europe on 25th May which should be fun. After a promise to bring back soil from Switzerland, the birthplace of Federer, I am still open to requests for souvenirs from there, though I am sure most of you have already been there. So, that takes the thunder off most of it.

Some of you must know my recent attempts to extract Wikipedia and I report with sadness, I still haven't been able to complete the job. More space is needed! While watching the progress bar on the WinRAR window, I think is it even worth it? Then, I realise I can't really justify it. Who cares anyway.

I leave now to watch House Season 7 and later listen to Anoushka Shankar but I leave you with this C&H strip as always. Enjoy Mother's Day!

I am a paranoid dolphin

Dude, I need a break of sorts. I need to stop everything. Like that CBSE poem telling us to stop walking, talking, breathing, breaking and building. I am paranoid. I get irritated too easily. I lose it too soon. I forget there is time, so much time left for so many things. I dont need to overload myself. It has to come one at a time. Everything has to just pause for some time, lets say a week. I should take a break and go jump in the ocean.

I want to float in water and just keep on wondering about buoyancy. More like a dolphin, I want to keep going in the water. As the water level rises while I slowly immerse myself into the pool, I want to feel that tingle that runs through your chest making you shiver. And then the slow walk from the iron step to the center of the pool while your head remains dry and then waiting for the moment. Looking up at the sky almost like waiting for that eagle to fly across the blue expanse, you let go of yourself and fall into the water. In a mad rush of temperature and touch, the water runs through your hair and inside your ear and in an instant, you feel lighter. Suspension is probably even better than sleep. You come up again and wipe your hair off your face and through the back of your ear. You're ready now. Now waiting for the planets to align and then synchronous with the sudden spring of a cheetah you're picturing, you kick hard on the back wall and launch yourself forward. Tearing through the water surface, you wonder how long this surge will last. 6 tiles, 7 tiles, 10 tiles...you're slowing down. Just a couple more, 16 tiles...17...and you swing your arms up into the air and splash down cracking the velvet. Dolphins get to do this everyday...

A post about everything

This post is literally about everything that I have bottlled up inside me till internet came back. Like I always say, its like Army Camp out here. Every day, a new challenge comes up, be it water, electricity, food, internet, or just people acting weirdly, which happens more often than you think.

So, first up I'll take the case of a couple of movies I have watched...some which have left a mark. NOKJ failed miserably, maybe because I expected too much. And also because I saw the Sea Link in a scene set in 2006. So...blah to that!
127 Hours was impressive! OST was as brilliant as Rahman could ever get, and for some reason, I liked it more than Slumdog's OST. But, sadly Sigur Ros stole the show with Festival, the 9 minute, 26 second long masterpiece playing when Aron cuts his hand, gets out and runs to a helicopter. Hair raising scenes those were, but they make you wish Rahman had composed it. Danny is bloody brilliant with his attention to detail. While watching, do notice the lips of James Franco as they dry up due to lack of water and turn pale and crack. Superb!
Megamind Despicable Me have started this villain-centric animations and I am in love with them!

Next is my account balance which is going down like talktime while making an ISD call! I just dont get it. Where is the money going? Am I dropping notes while I walk? Does someone owe me a lot of cash? Whoever it is, I need it back! Every time I walk past UCO, I feel I need a job, real soon. This GRE, CAT thing is not for me. I should get a job and start earning if I have to sustain all this. Then, next moment, I buy a 20rs Lays and kill myself.

Winter is finally retreating but I don't want it to go completely. This weather is just perfect, not too warm and cold enough to keep the fans off. I hate fans.

This year is turning out to be a year of learning. Learning to deal with people, their moronic ideas and acts and deciding "This is the last time I am doing this!"
Tagging along stupid decisions is as bad as making them. So, I dont blame anyone. But then I do.

A:"What the hell is wrong with you?!"

B:"What?"

A:"Thats a stupid idea!"

B:"No its not, Lets go!"

A:"Fine...."

And we all end up where we never wanted to be.

A: "I never wanted to go."
B: "Everyone was going so I went along."
C: "He's an idiot! I am never going with him!"

And the circle of life completes.

Quizzing toh chal raha hai. There is so much to write but I will leave the topic for now. I leave for Allahabad on Friday for a quiz. Wish me luck...

Internships? Who me?
Neah...didnt get any yet. All I got was a consent from 3 professors from Brazil but I couldnt apply. "BIT is not centrally funded" but BIT is as poor as NIT Patna!

Hot Chocolate and Maggi Soup keeps me up and running in this cold. Till next time I find time to sit and write while listening to Halo 2's OST [Listen to Halo Theme Mjolnir Mix], I hope you are ok.

After this stupid post, maybe this C&H strip will cheer you up.