Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Make This Go On Forever

Cold makes you do stupid things. It makes you forget to order dinner, let alone bother to go down and see what's offered downstairs. It makes you listen to songs of Vaastav, Snow Patrol and Porcupine Tree. Actually, I'd listen to PT anytime. Anyway, some things were lingering in my mind for a long time and I was going to eventually pen them down. But, I never got around to doing that. Diwali and Chhatt went by unnoticed and I thought this is the last evening I'll get to do anything like this till December.

2nd November is almost over and we inch closer to the moment we'll all call it a day. The last lecture, the last lab, the last time we'll knock on each other's door and then realise the morning lecture was cancelled. Umpteen things cliche I'd not want to list out but the fact of the matter is I have ABSOLUTELY no clue how that moment will be. Will it be full of people hugging and crying or will it be like 2k6 EEE (everyone wearing their branch tshirts and getting pictures taken) or will it be a last coffee in HnC with everyone looking at each other and not saying a word but smiling?
Maybe because I have never experienced a farewell, not after Xth when I left Baroda nor after XIIth when I left Mumbai, I can never truly understand how it feels to leave an institution. But I can sure as hell understand how it feels to let go of friends, move out and never see them again.
2 days after my board exams got over in 2006, I packed my bags and called up a friend to tell her "Goodbye. I'll probably never see you again." But it went like this:

"You're leaving? Like forever?"
"Yeah. My dad got transferred to Mumbai."
"Well, at-least you're going to a good place. But, why are you telling me NOW? I mean, you're leaving in an hour. We could have met, had a nice little farewell and stuff?"
"Yeah.." Pauses "I don't know everything happened so quickly. I'm sorry. We'll keep in touch."
"Bye then Vrashank. Take care and keep emailing."
"You bet."

I met her once after that in Baroda and exchanged 2 emails.

Saying goodbye to friends is harder than you think. Its not just a great party thrown by them, not just about the parting gifts and the tears and hugs and smiles and waves. Its more about how much you keep in touch after you've left. I'd assumed that leaving would be the worst thing ever but actually, its the time you spend alone in your new home, realizing you can't just call them over for a small bite, a quick chat or whatever. You can no longer end up in their rooms and lie there forever. The most you can do is chat, write on their walls and ask about each other's plans and hope they overlap.

Which brings me back to the thought on how goodbye will be for me next year. I have experienced it 4 times in varying amount of emotion. Not that I am comparing but leaving college probably ranks up higher than a couple of those 4 good byes. Quite simply because of the magnitude. The number of people I'll want to say goodbye to and the number of faces I'll want to forget. As we get placed, we realize how many of us will be in the same city, same locality and even the same company. We start imagining how it'll be to live in Bangalore, Pune or Gurgaon with folks from college, wearing shirts and having coffee. Honestly, it seems like it'll be pretty awkward.

Maybe we need a plan.

A plan to save everything from weltering away and make it last forever. A plan to remind ourselves that friendship wasn't pushed or planned. It just happened and its so deep we're ready to fight for it. So, maybe, it should dawn upon us that we can still salvage a sinking ship. Saying goodbye can't be that bad can it? I mean, we all knew we'd have to part eventually. Didn't we all see it coming? Then, why does it seem so difficult?
I don't know the plan. I don't know if it'll ever be made. But I, most certainly, want one.

You should really check out the song that got me writing this.
Snow Patrol - Make This Go On Forever
and I quote:

"The last girl and the last reason to make this last for as long as I could
First kiss and the first time that I felt connected to anything
The weight of water, the way you told me to look past everything I had ever learned
The final word in the final sentence you ever uttered to me was love."

I'd want this time to last as long as possible. Like little kids who fear the morning assembly, in-fact, like the ones who hide in the class eating everyone else's lunch and wish for the assembly to last as long as possible [Straight out of Revolution 2020!]. I want this to go on forever.


  1. horripilation!!!
    sumtyms, u just don't WANT the feeling to sink in!
    everytime, parting is greater than merely a goodbye!
    sumtyms, when u say a goodbye, u know u r leaving behind much more than what u r taking away...n i blv thats how the intangible magnitude of presence, success and the toughness of letting go gets gauged!
    Leaving behind sumthing!

  2. And, I was thinking I'll go out happy, proud etc etc.
    Ekdam Senti kar diya.. sob sob. Load nahi, we will exchange mail this time for sure :P

  3. Tussi Naa Jao. EEE2K6 and its tshirt gets a mention.Yay.Yay!

  4. You know, the good things in life never change. :)