Tuesday, January 17, 2012

You don't get to be mom if you can't fix everything just right!

Like the rest of the posts on this blog, this one is being written out of pure frustration and again, as usual, it won't delve on that frustration for long as I have SO MANY things to write about.
In the past 30 days, I have witnessed a lot of things, seen many unknown sides of people, sat idly and thought for hours, and realised a thing or two. But, mostly, I've just lied down and stared.

Yeh blogpost sankshep mein

My guess is it happened on my way to Pune for a quiz (disaster, that I won't talk about) with Utsav. Excited like a bunch of school kids, we forgot to pack dinner and lunch for the 30 hour journey and we ended up buying chips, biscuits, cakes, coke, bhelpuri, some more biscuits and *drumroll* TRAIN FOOD. I think that got me the virus and 4 days later, I was in a hospital with a drip and completely drained of energy to even turn to another side and sleep. Days went by and my condition deteriorated to a point where I had no sleep, no food and a lot of headache. Hepatitis A is a cruel disease. It doesn't pain much in the dictionary sense of pain. Well, inexperienced nurses puncturing 5 of your veins to fix the VeinFlow contraption does pain. But what I really mean is it hurts a lot. To just lie there, staring at the ceiling while your head bobs and you wish you never had that plate of uncooked rice, is just stupid, mundane and very sad. I puked everything given to me, including meds and before I knew it, I was on "liquid diet" and I had to take in soups, Dal ka Paani and whatever my body didn't throw out. Along with all the nausea and exhausation, I had a series of other complications that scared the crap out of my mom. Sonography revealed a couple, blood revealed the rest.
15 days later with 2 sonographies, an endoscopy and 20 odd blood tests, I came back home with a severe headache. A week passed by before I could last a day without headaches and wanting an afternoon nap. That would be where I end the description of my disease. But at that as well as this moment, my sclera and my arms and legs are yellow.

As hurting and boring and annoying as the disease sounds, it is also quite expensive. The pills I am taking after 1 month of recovery, twice a day, are Rs. 30 each. I take four of those. And that brings me to my second topic...as a passerby in the gastrologist ward was heard yelling,

"Yeh hospital business bahut mehenga hai bhai."

And he's damn right. Hospitals are just overpriced hotels with a crowded and smelly reception, ugly concierge service that'll prick you at 4am and get away by saying, "Blood sugar is normal." Regular bedsheet and towel changes, dishtv, swanky bathrooms, sofas and a view of South Mumbai like no other - that's what I got for falling sick. And they charged me a lot too, for every tiny little thing. They made sure I paid like an investment banker who just made it big. And the worst part is, the costs dont stop once you're out of there. Here's what I learnt today. Mumbai's real estate prices drive everything. From apartments to hotels to even fruit vendors, everything depends on where you are in Mumbai. Consider this. From Goregaon in somewhat-north Mumbai to Marine Drive in South Mumbai, the initial consultation fees for a doctor more than doubles. My bad luck? My doctor is in Marine Drive. So, add a 30km ride back and forth and you're looking at a pretty cool figure. Now, I can say Ouch.

Two heads are better than one. What about four?

My parents are worried about me. And to get me to recover quicker, they're trying everything. At a point in time, I was taking allopathic, homeopathic and ayurvedic medication but somehow managed to avoid a necklace made of  small wooden blocks tied together with the holy red thread that we find on wrists. I really don't know what they call it. And since I got better, I don't know which one of those really worked. People keep saying, "Just take it, what's the harm?" And after a while, you get sick of keeping track of the 1-0-1s and the 1-0-0s. Something must help me out.

Magic Touch

The little kid really kept me going. Not only by his occasional smile, long stares, kicks and frantic hands searching for something to hold on to and put in his mouth but also by making me feel I am completely normal. Others look at your eyes and hands and keep reminding you how yellow you are. But he doesnt show any of those feelings. Well, he doesnt show a lot of feelings really. But the point is he made me realise that I will ALWAYS have something to come home to and someone to think about on a shopping spree! You know how when you're at home and every 30 minutes or so, you head off to the kitchen to open the fridge to find nothing and even though you know there is nothing, you still go and open it? He's just like that! Every 10 minutes, I get up, take a look, give him a kiss, ruffle his hair, hold him up, swing him around and then lay him on the bed.

Here he is:

His first chat was:

cxv sd   dddxdvxvccj7y


When you think about something for too long, the thing changes.

Those long nights in the hospital when I used to twist and turn and stare at the clock listening to amplifying noise of the seconds hand, I used to think about people who came and went by in my life and those who stayed. What made them stay? What makes a person more special to us? Is it the moments we spend or the things we talk or the things we do? I won't bother to say "There is a special connection" coz that's just stupid. But there has to be something that makes us click. Hehe. No. Not what you're thinking. The answer didn't dawn upon me in one brightly moonlit night. Stuff like that doesn't happen. I'll be frank. At one point in time, I scrolled my entire contact list on my phone and didn't feel like calling up anyone I hadn't called recently. Have you ever done that? Its not a great feeling though. You'll want to pass it off as a phase and call yourself moody and get away with it. But the truth is you do feel alone in life sometimes. Alone in relative terms.

What would I do without you?

No matter what happens, you know you're never alone because you'll always have your mother by your side. If not for real then in your head. And I think without her, I wouldn't have been able to make it through so easily. There were times when I couldnt sleep till 4am and didnt have enough energy to get up and sit straight or even get off the bed or even call out. I used to make barely-audible mumbles that mom heard. Promptly getting up, she'd hold my hand, stroke it and run her fingers through my hair and say "It'll all be over very soon." And that helped me calm down. I couldnt breathe properly simply because I didn't have the energy to take in long gasps of air. She'd hear those short pants of mine, thirsty for air and some energy I used to look up to the ceiling while she just stood...mute. She couldn't do anything at that time but then that's what I wanted too. Not some pills or a drip, just the touch. Only the firm grip of my mother's hands would get me through so many countless nights.
I don't know what I'd have done without her.
A week ago, I started writing this blogpost and I thought there is SO MUCH to write about. I don't know what happened but I am gonna stop here for the time.
Later then.


Don't forget your C&H treat!


  1. God couldnt be everywhere so he created mothers.
    Take Care

  2. I never realized it was that severe.....can't imagine the agony of having gone through all that.Hope you get back to the best of your health real soon.

  3. nice nice....keep it up man!(i mean the posts:P )

  4. after dis BIGGGGY blogpost(which u advertise so amply that "dedicated readers like me" get to knw of dr existence sum light years later(yeah..m desperately trying 2 flaunt my dim-wittedness about physics there)) I will finally go back to what i do best...Comment...

  5. Feels inhumane to realise u were staring at the ceiling fan when we was gobbling down that highly "poisonous" chat at the Marine Drive chowpatty..How do u do it..no matter for how long u go on wid ur posts, it alway seems to end too quickly for my liking! :$

  6. Emotions are just pouring out of this one..! As joker said in dark knight 'Anything that doesnt kill you makes u better'. I think i'ld prefer vrudi jones v1.1 .. absolutely loved this one.. keep the good posts coming man!! :)